I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
