Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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