Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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