I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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