I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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