This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
