Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
