she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
