So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
