I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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