oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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