my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
