she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
