I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
