I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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