Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
