So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
