If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize