I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
