here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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