I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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