I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
