Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
