new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
