You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
