he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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