I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
