hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
