yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
