If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
