Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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