I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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