...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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