where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
