Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
