He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
