We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
...so i touched it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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