So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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