they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
