I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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