I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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