would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
