Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
