one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
