So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
