Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
