Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
