yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize