i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
