I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
