K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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