Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
