I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
