i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
