How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
