Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So. Much. Porn.
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