tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
whose ass print is on the piano?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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