I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
