Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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