as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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