i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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