And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
